Finding my way back to my small piece of digital real estate .....
New year, new beginnings.. .right? That's the usual mantra this time of year. How long is it before people fall back into their previous habits. Not long. Some people might see improvements; overall, same people with some more time. Just an observation.
My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2019. My entire existence, my path, my everything changed. I was determined to fight for her - moving the Himalayas when needed. Only as long as she was wanting to fight. She chose to fight and won.
I can only imagine everything she went through. While I was able to observe, that's not anything I would hope/wish for anyone. It changes all that are personally involved. I was not ok. Not before her diagnosis, during her diagnosis, or after her diagnosis. Thank goodness for therapy and solid therapists! It's been a wild ride, but here we are. I never thought *I* would be that daughter living at home with her parents as an adult. This was a choice I made in 2019. It was, and still is, the right thing to do. I still live my life and have my freedom....... while living at home with mommy. Thankfully our house was designed such that the house is literally split. I have my side of the house, my mom has her side. Things are working out well. This was most definitely not how I ever envisioned my life to be, but here I am.
I choose to live my life now.. . freely. It's interesting to see how much others are restricted and confined to their tightly controlled lives. I quietly hope those people will eventually get to live their lives too.
I gained some weight when my mom got sick. Guess that's just how my body internalized and dealt with the stress. I've lost every bit of the weight and some. FREEDOM! 😎 I'm tone and fit. Finding clothes is a bit of a challenge, but that's not really new.
My personal life took a bit of a hit when my mom got sick. Another choice I made. Once I started getting my life back, I tried picking up almost where I left things. The guy I actually broke things off with ... well, he was not at all what I remembered. Last I recalled, he was polished and handsome. At some point, he decided to embrace his own freedom 😲 I do hope he finds what he's looking for 😊
Dating at this point in my life is different and interesting. I really don't even know what dating is anymore. I seem to find myself in longer term situations. Situations that aren't necessarily always convenient for me. Situations that aren't always fulfilling. I want more than a situation. There's more to life than a situation. If anything, I'm wanting consistency. Someone that I know cares for me and will be there for me. Someone that is a friend and a lover. Situations don't really seem to provide those sorts of things. It's time to get out and experience the world - why not?!
I am thankful/grateful for everything in my life. I'm very fortunate - something that is not lost on me. Granted, once you're part of the club, there's really no way out. I've made peace with that. More life decisions I've made along the way. I've found ways to embrace the club. Doesn't really hurt knowing that when SHTF, there's always the bat phone 👻👽 totally unexpected and something I do cherish. Am I lucky that I am a bit of a rogue one? Perhaps that's been my role the entire time. I strongly believe there's a special place for everyone in this world. Thank you for accepting me for who/what I am! I've learned a lot throughout the years. A lot of what not to do .. ha! I embrace the challenges - LFG, CBs!
I'm looking for new things to explore. There's an entire world out there. Until next time ..... 💃
